if i ever become what i hate [entries|friends|calendar] *You're never fully dressed without a smile* [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[21 May 2005|01:36pm] I think i've become what i hate. i miss jasmine. ==== i love'd how she told me when i did. shed tell me straight up, but shed stay and cry with me even when i damn well did not deserve it. confront me, forgive me. thats what shed do im sorry i just dont know. i cant see myself, sometimes really. WHEN?

[21 Apr 2005|06:11pm] [ mood | weak in the knees ] [ music | Patrick Park ] i love how i update pretty much once a month! hahah at the library. blah. i do not have mono. tiredness and throat soreness are common in life other than mono right?? oh man how embarressing if i have it...! haha i like DAvid alot. almost 3 months now. mmm. hes the bestest. he ... he gets me. i like that. i might be a foreign exchange student! heck, yes. but id be gone, aug- dec. thats my bday rickys bday and christams! how weird to miss it! well see. time for homework. yessir ___YOUR SMILES A DRUG THAT I JUST CANT AFFORD-- patrick park i am in love with him truly. ok well maybe just his music 4 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

esperando [31 Mar 2005|03:13pm] [ mood | ay ya yay ] [ music | kenny chesney- anything but mine ] THis is agravating.... im trying to waste time cuz my interview is in 45 minutes or so. OMG. im so nervous. i hate that im going to be asked personal questions by a perfect stranger. The application was bad enough. oh well, whatever it takes right> i hope i get excepted. Working at that orpahnge would be amazing, even if its not what i originally had in mind. the plan is we all as a group takes the plane to san diego, then a bus down to the orphange mexico. wait i shouldnt think about yet, not until im going for certain. waiting waiting. ive started biting my nails again. i havent done that since 4th grade. What am i so nervous about...!??! David's in Jamaica, he'll be back on Sunday. I miss him! For some reason, it haden't occured to me that i would. I left for Florida last tuesday, and he left the following sunday. i havent seen him in two weeks, havent talked to him in one. hopefully we'll go downtown on monday after school like usual. I like being with my boyfriend. i like it lots. HAHA good sign right? i must say..i am nervous about the letter i wrote him conserning summer. its in the mail, but he wont read it til he gets back. i just dont want something to wrong right now, he very well might be the only part of my life right now that feels like its going 'right'. we've been dating for ... mm its gotta be 2 months now! the sad part is i dont even know when our 'one month' date is! hahah some writer i am.i adore that we can go downtown everyday and just read without akward silence. i think its a sign of comfort. sigh. okay a full minutes have passed. Gosh darn it. dont u hate inside jokes you arent in on? Florida was beautiful. So peaceful Zach and i were at the beach everyday by 8 15 am skim boarding, wouldnt budge from the shore til 2 pm, and that was cuz my aunt kristie and uncle jim demanded we eat, and megan (my 12 year old cousin) wanted to go to the pool. i do hate salt water in my eyes and mouth and cuts. SO much fun anyway. we also watched the sunset on the beach, then skim boarded while it was setting. GORGEOUS. Zach kept talking about Danielle every 5 seconds or so. Aw my cousin is smitten. i have massive bruises, for someone who doesnt like to fall i sure am good at it! i saw 2 sting rays washed up after the red tide. that was pretty damn kool. my feet are sunburnt and cut up from the rocks, hurts like a mother to use lukewarm water in the shower. ive noticed i can do things when i try, however when im not thinking about it i fly right through. Like the skim board, i wont do so well if im consentrating on it, but if im singing or something im fine. Same with Dance DAnce, its my new outlet. Lauren s still in Jamaica. POoo, hope shes having fun. HOWS THIS FOR AN UPDATE LAUREN!!! haahha half and hour to go. if i updated more often, id make this friends only. i can read some ppls most private thoughts on lj, and i feel guilty, but then again, its right there in the open. im not a stalker, im just curious. im the type of person that likes knowing what ppl think about everything, the type that wishes everyone in the world kept a journal to leave behind them. i feel like i should comment on some ppls ljs that i read them, so maybe they should be friends only. maybe i will. hmm should i? i wanna post the pic of me and DAvid from Turnabout, dunno how. Lauren could u help me? oh i have to call Nannette. Nicole called me to remind me. I love nicole. im drifting again. 6 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[17 Mar 2005|04:28pm] LOTS is new. im at the library doing 'homework' i am updating for the first time in like a month. blah . CHINTA I MISS YOU. can i call u on sunday? thts it, tht was an update! 3 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

mmm i still exsist [31 Jan 2005|07:22pm] im still alive i swear. my computers just broken 5 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[17 Jan 2005|03:40pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | have you ever seen the rain ] updated!!!!! 32 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[09 Jan 2005|02:30pm] stolen from Willy's myspace fill me out please! 1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 5. What do you think of me? 6. What's the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out about me? 13. Emotionally, what stands out about me? 14. Do you wish I was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in one word. 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think I'll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 28. How well do you know me? 29. When's the last time you saw me? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Are you going to put this on your LIVEJOURNAL and see what I say about you? 2 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

MAKE LIKE MOSES AND TAKE YOUR PPL ELSEWHERE_ original comeback by morgon [04 Jan 2005|04:01pm] [ mood | nerdy ] [ music | rascal flatts- broken road ] EW im home. or rather im back at my house. its supposed to snow 12 inches tonight. hope i have time to go play, sum of my new years resolutions are to be more involved, and to make myself be happpy. forget all this depressivness says i. im over me. hahah. yes. oh yea and im not gonna be such a girl. tht means im going sledding. camp rocked my sox. i completed all my camp goals. didnt get good pics tho. maybe lysa can help me post them? ( lysa plz respond to this. hahahhahahahhah hi ) california mmm i miss it and i miss everyone. snap back to reality ooop there goes gravity. i missed ppl tho. im excited im hanging out with everyone on friday. who volunteers to pay for my movie ticket>? hahah wht a moocher. i have nothing to write, i have just realized,i thought i did tho. sometimes things, ppl, really dont change. maybe learn more.. but dont change. my nicole starts college at the fashion and merchindising institude in october. props to you love. btw jasmine you are my beautiful man. intresting ...ricky thinks im like perfect. AHAHHA HAAHHAHAHAHA . him and jessica (from camP) were apparently speaking of this. maybe i am anti-humanity, but most definetly not perfect. he goes "ISNT IS BORING BEING SO PERFECT?!?!?" hahah weirdo. if only he knew... booooahahahhaah (evil laughter) fasinating how one can be treated as a child and expected to act as an adult. utterly astonishing. 11 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[23 Dec 2004|12:16am] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | PHANTOM PLANET CALIFORNIA ] I AM MOST DEFIENTLY IN SAN DIEGO AS WE SPEAK, YES YES YES YES i am sunburned thank god. im the whitest mexican iver ever seen. BUT NOT ANYMORE, now i shall be burnt :) so yes, awesome time so far! im going to LA on sat, YESSSSSSSSS get to see jasmine and nicole !!!! HELL YA i stayed with my aunt for 3 days,. i love her she rocks. her kids are so cute. the youngest started to cry bcuz i wasnt going to sleep with her tongiht, cuz the only way i get her to sleep is by laying down next to her. AW i watched its a wonderful life with alexa, she is the coolest 9 year old on planet earth. shes mine, i miss everyone tho!!! hi lysa hi lauren, hi ken. i wanna call ppl. i cant use my phone til 9 CA time, 11 IL time. but im too busy. rawr. i love it here. i went to the beach. yessir. i been healthy, lots excerise, good food, yes yes. bye nowz. im in such a goooooodddd mood. YES 13 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[07 Dec 2004|06:59pm] stole this from sonia. i hate to love these ‡” ? ‡” R E L A T I O N S H I P S ‡” ? ‡” Who are your best friends?: hannah evy jasmine lauren caroline You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no ‡” ? ‡” F A S H I O N | S T U F F ‡” ? ‡” Where is your favorite place to shop: um dont Any tattoos or piercings: 5. three in my right ear 2 in my left ‡” ? ‡” S P E C I F I C S ‡” ? ‡” Do you do drugs?: no sir What kind of shampoo do you use?: idk sum tub of salon stuff tht smells like coconut What are you most scared of?: myself What are you listening to right now? typing at the library Who is the last person that called you?: uh my mom Where do you want to get married?: in a church that means sumthing to either me or my husband How many buddies are online right now?: 33 What would you change about yourself?: my persoanlity ‡” ? ‡” F A V O R I T E S ‡” ? ‡” Color: black blue and pink Food: chocolate coffee and italian Boys names: idk Girls names: antigone nicole Subjects in school: uh lunch? idk i guess speech and gov Animals: um anything thts stuffed? haha jk. idk ‡” ? ‡” H A V E | Y O U | E V E R ‡” ? ‡” Given anyone a bath?: um when i babysit er my cat Smoked?: no Bungee jumped?: no sir. Made yourself throw up?: nosir Skinny dipped?: nosir Ever been in love?: hard to define. i guess not Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: naw Pictured your crush naked?: .....uh ....noo... Actually seen your crush naked?: no sir! Cried when someone died?: yes Lied: yes. Fallen for your best friend?: dotn even remind me Been rejected?: yes. Rejected someone?: YES Used someone?: hasnt everyone Done something you regret?: must tht question be asked ‡” ? ‡” A R E | Y O U ‡” ? ‡” Understandin?: not lately Open-minded: i guess Random: most def Hungry: always am Smart: not particularly Moody: i can be Hard working: when i want to be Organized: sumtimes Healthy: no Shy: lately i am Difficult: to understand Bored easily: no Responsible?: depends who u ask Obsessed: most def. chocolate, coffee, stars, writing, reading... Angry: kinda Sad: i suppose Happy: mayeb Hyper: not at the moment but i can be insane Trusting: trustworthy, dotn trust others ‡” ? ‡” W H O ‡” ? ‡” Makes you laugh the most: my imaginary friends lauren hannah lysa Makes you smile: ken and hannah and jazzie Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: lets skip that shall we? ‡” ? ‡” D O | Y O U | E V E R ‡” ? ‡” Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you?: i have. i would now if my computer werent busted. Save conversations: yes Wish you were younger: yes Cry because someone said something to you?: yea 8 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[07 Dec 2004|05:50pm] [ mood | calm ] lj is kinda pointless. i might just delete everything and keep it the actual acount so i can look at other ljs. yes. good plan. i need a change. maybe ill shave my eyebrows ********** **** *************8 just kidding 2 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[01 Dec 2004|10:54am] [ mood | dazzeled ] [ music | Remember WHen ] i'm at school now. not fun. lots been going on in my head lately. i wanna move away...from the world. ppl scare me too much, and im so damn untrusting i must come off as insulting. sooo im trying to change that about me. i dont know why im like that cuz i wouldnt say ive been hurt more then the next person, maybe i just take pain really bad. Who knows. Been talkign to ken lately. stayed up til 2 talking last night, he seems really kool which is suprising bcuz normally im real cynical . i feel like maybe i try to impress him, i feel kinda young and stupid . but yea he is kool so far ( ... not to mention super super cute...) . i get nervous around cute boiz. im just lame like that. Wheaton today = yay, i get to see my wheaton crowd. and polar bear this weekend which means no hanging out with anyone else. im really nervous. why do i get nervous lately...!!??!?!?!? normally i dont. well now i is. Christams is coming. two weekends til CA !!! im so excited but nervous to see certain ppl. yea you know who u are. and crystal's gonna have her twins while im there!@!!!! YAY malinda and lizette are also pregnant, and monica just had herbaby. damn my familia is big . i dunno if i can date again anytime soon...like b4 i die i mean! im too ....ugh its too hard for me. blah. bad jess 3 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[26 Nov 2004|02:51pm] taken from lysa who took it from lauren \ Post anything that you want, but make sure you post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post more than once, if you like/want to. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends (and perhaps others who you don't even realise read your LJ) have to say. 6 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

everything is okay everything is fine [12 Nov 2004|06:23pm] at my lysa's. i missed her! but yes i is here. lots been happening lately... been pretty busy. bahhhh i dotn have many friends and i ve decided i should quit feeling so crappy b/c im wasting my minutes. hahah meaning minutes until i die. hahhah. so im trying to not be so negative. not working so far!!! but i trying.... hahha. mmm i havent been hanging out with ppl lately. im always in wheaton. I do sunday school for toddlers in the morning , then eat with the production crowd, then we set up stage, band practice (i get to do soundcheck ) then run thro then show then stage tear down. i like it lots. weds small group, thurs drama, hahahah always in wheaton bahhhhhhhhh 9 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

did i ask? [31 Oct 2004|01:10am] booooo haha ah i can hear your lame ass scream. im a laurens. its 2 07 am . that means im sleeping over. hahahahha, the world is coming to an end. kt lysa jen and caroline are also here. we watched save. my new fav line is 'i saw what you were looking at- and so did Jesus" jajaj si senor. insomniac lately, havent really slept or ate in a week, i think, no concept of time. i ve been so anti human. well ive decided it can take only one person to restore your view on humanity, but also one to shatter it. if you understood wht i just said, plz be my friend. bahhh i need to have a normal day tomorrow. i shall eat . and i WILL have fun even if it kils me which it damn well might do, kk wish me luck. 5 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

id give you a star if it wouldnt burn my hand off :) [29 Sep 2004|09:37pm] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | old school IN THIS DIARY and HEAD ON COLLUSION ] JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MY NCOLE. I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU! HAHAH/ AND I SHALL KEEP MY PROMISE TO HER AND NOT MAKE LJ A PITY PARTY OR BRAG FEST :) so. this week. monday bad mood. but jeff ( WHO IS NOW GONNA WRITE HIS NAME GEOPH CUZ CHICKS DIG IT HE THINKS...) IS AMAZING AND MADE DAY. IVE ALSO ADDED PPL TO MY LIST/ YAY/ mmm. they are s.b., j.n., cant remeber rest. i also have my new small group leader. we'll see how tht goes... went to yopung life bonfire. lots fun. i have voted kt and cade the best couple ever in the world. and unlike romeo and juliet they do not die :)\ HIGHLIGHTs OF THE DAY "what are the initals j.t. for?" ummmm Jesus. "you idiot wheres the t???" IT A CRoSS steve benet: AHH LOOK AT MY RM! FUNNI TANLINE you had to hear it. it was pricless. burning leaves . cade playing with liquid fuel and throing it into the fire. cades dance when eating s'mores. reciting lines from sandlot hell ya. 5 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[27 Sep 2004|09:54pm] LETS TAKE A POLL: SAY...HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING.....PERSON A CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT PERSON B. BUT PERSON A HAS NEVER HAD LIKE A CRUCH ON PERSON B... BUT RANDOMLY THINKS ABOUT B ALL DAY. BUT B'S NEVER EVN ATTRACTED A BEFORE. A KEEPS THINKS OF B. NOT EVEN IN A ' IWANT TO BE WITH B WAY' BUT JUST THINIKING WAY. DOES A LIKE B??? REMEMBER THIS IS PURLEY HYPOTHETICAL... 4 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[26 Sep 2004|12:30pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | charlie parker ] found this poem in a magazine. i love = i share. Tuesday Morning by Gonca Esendemir On days like this, when the fluffy clouds are moving in the quiet blue sky with the loudest presence, everything makes sense everything feels okay everything fall into place My emotions come to life My sould is on fire I feel brave enough to touch you the ground is sturdy enough to jump on the air is clean enough to breathe i can open my mouth and taste feeling i can open my eyes and see hope. On days like this, i could press my hands over a ledge. i could kiss the air and imagine it was you and i would sit on the cold, wet grass and stare out to nowhere and see you everywhere. On days like this being with you is a wish that could come true, but only on a day like this. if you loved comment 5 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[25 Sep 2004|10:44pm] [ mood | um hum... ] [ music | she thinks my tractors sexy ] haha great weekend so far fri kt picked us up and we went to macaroni grill then yelled at ppl from the car. then we went to the game. then downtown. tpday lysa + me + downtown +pics and zoe and lauren. i love them lots. " nomarlly its shit good shit good but so far its gonna be good good good shit!" hahah i love you lysa. ew but im watching mean girls with my brother. he says 'its a masturbation video" EW / so not right so yea. KT is like one of my favorite ppl/ i always get happy around her lauren and cade. AW but cade thinks i make fun of him lots. actually he just kept setting himmself up! itd be a sin not to take advantage of all the hits! haha./ k tht was a pointless entry. i sorry. blah mood. 5 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

[25 Sep 2004|05:11pm] [ mood | hell ya i have a lj ] [ music | beatles ] im at lysas. she did this whole layout thing for me since im really stupid when it comes to tecnology. if youre reading this , then comment. cuz thts the kool thing to do. im going downtown now, SUBWAY. hell ya. 2 REMEMBERS| WHEN?

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